Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The New 'Scape of Things?

Ever found yourself peering out over the horizon, thinking you're ascertaining the lay of the land- but instead of a state-of-the-art, handheld, GPS device- you see that you've really been clamoring over a 6-foot sextant more appropriate for Johannes Hevelius? And to top it off, you don't really know how to work it.

So what does that say about how you "got" to where you are now? Where are the objects that have been guiding you? Are they as fixed in their positions as you thought?

Secretly, I think I tend to hold my perception of my own relationships as constants for navigation. I don't think there currently is a judgment for or against this at this point either. This has been solidly the case for me in these last few years of ministry....I guess I can say it's been that.

There was a time in those years (and I don't think that "time" has abated) wherein my journey seemed like a span from the Arctic Circle to the calm of the tropics. It was lonely and icy but there were others being found on that journey and it seemed we were all headed in the same direction. Finding each other was warmth enough.

Across the board, some destinations were made, some are still in progress and some- like poor, ol' Jack Dawson in Titanic.- sunk into the cold depths off the raft.

I'm looking around in wonderment at how much things have changed in such a short span. It's not all negative change. People's lives take root; new footholds are gained. Any one vantage point, perspective or conclusion at any given time isn't hard and fast. We all know that- but that's a risky emotional reality in which to dwell. But again, not necessarily negative.

For instance, and at the risk of sounding something like a drama-queen, I look at my blogroll and about half either barely or do not blog at all. In their histories, there were cathartic moments for them when actively writing and images flowed through their fingertips to the screen handily and I was profoundly moved by their virtual introspection into their lives. Somewhere, the light went off, the writing was burdensome or had lost it's novelty or was laid aside for authentically noble reasons. For whatever reason, just like the move toward blogging signaled a life change, the move away from it arguably signals something like that too, I would say.

The pressure to generate content and the quasi-convincing humiliation that you have no readers can be a blog-killer, especially when nothing is to be gained financially from the endeavor. Did the online phenomena dictate the direction of the discipline to "pen" thoughts to the cybersphere or did our conversation? Does the code, signal and digitized images give life or do our words? It's curious that those who have much to speak with unique profundity find that they cannot say as much online anymore. And in every way, I can respect that. The entry into disciplined silence is noteworthy, if that's the case. If not, what's happening?

So, we seem to quit writing when we become disillusioned or part of our dream dies.The fact remains that we identify a life stage and assign a behavior to that stage as a marker (such as the novelty of blogging). We move out of that stage, and blogging is dispensible (again, for some good reasons). I've found, and maybe others have at times, that blogging is writing and writing for me has been prayer. Since I'm not altogether that good of a pray-er, I've not been that good of a blogger. But, I'm not a blogger, really. Just a writer of sorts. And that connects me to my soul and to souls. Every so often, it connects me to the Creator of Souls.