Sunday, May 25, 2003

Let us not underestimate the impact that our families of origin have on our undertaking to serve Christ in the establishing of His Church. Every time I am buffetted by the winds of change (or at least the impending prospects of such) or when I am confronted with difficult people with difficult needs, I immediately face my ineptitude. In the presence of my limitations I want to compensate and this out of my own efforts and attempts to self-heal. This is precisely where I operate out of my woundedness and pain. God can't use that.

I am learning that to let God do what he wants to do in his church, I must needs be freed up from my own hurts. And I am discovering that there has been much in the past and ongoing dissolution of my own family that the Lord is healing. The hurts have not necessarily come from what someone has DONE to me but from the lies that I have believed about myself and the misinterpretations I made along the way when it came to my identity formation. It is not that I harbor blame toward anyone. As I continue to learn about the perilous track my brother is choosing to take at present, (despite all counsel and wisdom), I just wonder will when the destruction in my family (and other families) end?

Just wanted to let you know that the Gentle Healer continues to bind up my hurts and replace it with His truth in the most remarkable ways and I got to see that last night about 330 am. I am learning to dance to His rhythm. And to think He promises me that my home and place is with Him.