an open letter to my Fight Club...

To what shall I compare with what I've found in you? To sit at your feet- gleaning your wisdom and being openly invited into the sacred ground of your struggles is but another treasure in this field sprawling before me. On the surface, this parcel of land sure doesn't look like much but it seems I've uncovered the Kingdom. You guys are reminding me that giving up all I have for this venture is the only way to go. I don't look back anymore, wondering why in the presence of the lingering protestations in my mind of those who question....those who should support me the most but only see my claim staked in what looks like a craggy, untenable thicket of brambles. But hanging out with you puts me in detector mode, scanning the crannies for more treasure. You- my new friends and constant spring of blog fodder- are the shiny gold coins in hand......a blessed spillage from the Kingdom Treasure Chest.

HOW TO KNOW GOD IS DOING STUFF IN YOUR HOUSE CHURCH

Here's how I know God is doing something in our midst. Our man, Burt, suddenly gets called in to work at his pizza joint during the time when we gather. Over a lunch a few days ago with Jason, our intern, Burt literally breaks down when he told him he was going to have to miss on Sunday.

So the Jaylord (a.k.a., Jason) takes it 'pon himself to ogernize an impromptu house church gathering before Burt went to work, replete with a meal and acquaintances of Burt who are not reg'lars at the Hester HC. So we had our first HC at Burt's ("Burtitas") and the first such one we know of in an area of town called the "Ghetto"......an area we are praying over.

That smells like Kingdom stuff to me..........

A REPOST FROM MARK PALMER'S BLOG ENTRY DATED 5-31-03

The Church Father Tertullian writes in his Apology about how the early Church gathered...

"The nature of our meal and it's purpose are explained by it's very name. It is called Agape, as the Greeks call love in it's purest form. However much it may cost, it is always gain to be extravagant in the name of fellowship...The participants do not go to the table unless they have first tasted of prayer to God. As much is eaten as is necessary to satisfy the hunger. When satisfying themselves they are aware that even during the night they should worship God. They converse as those who are aware that God is listening...After the hands are washed and the lights are lit, all are asked to stand forth to praise God as well as each is able, be it from the Holy Scriptures or from his own heart. In like manner the meal is closed with a prayer. After this we part from one another...pursuing the same self control and purity as befits those who have taken in a truth rather than a meal. This is the way the Christians meet."

Tonight, the Landing Place Community gathers for an Agape Meal. My prayer is that God will be present, and that we would leave haven eaten of truth, and not simply a meal. (Mark Palmer)

I continue to be blown away by such kingdom-mindedness in the midst of the Palmer's suffering. Blessing and cursing; pain and joy; strength and weakness.........co-existing anomalies imparting a fellowship of suffering that most can only glimpse from a distance and into which one may never fully enter.

For the Palmer's, Father, healing. For us, and in their honor, may we dine on the crumbs of truth from their table as we watch and pray.

Let us not underestimate the impact that our families of origin have on our undertaking to serve Christ in the establishing of His Church. Every time I am buffetted by the winds of change (or at least the impending prospects of such) or when I am confronted with difficult people with difficult needs, I immediately face my ineptitude. In the presence of my limitations I want to compensate and this out of my own efforts and attempts to self-heal. This is precisely where I operate out of my woundedness and pain. God can't use that.

I am learning that to let God do what he wants to do in his church, I must needs be freed up from my own hurts. And I am discovering that there has been much in the past and ongoing dissolution of my own family that the Lord is healing. The hurts have not necessarily come from what someone has DONE to me but from the lies that I have believed about myself and the misinterpretations I made along the way when it came to my identity formation. It is not that I harbor blame toward anyone. As I continue to learn about the perilous track my brother is choosing to take at present, (despite all counsel and wisdom), I just wonder will when the destruction in my family (and other families) end?

Just wanted to let you know that the Gentle Healer continues to bind up my hurts and replace it with His truth in the most remarkable ways and I got to see that last night about 330 am. I am learning to dance to His rhythm. And to think He promises me that my home and place is with Him.

I know there is some theological profundity in this somewhere............letting a stranger pull, poke, twist, lift, tilt, grip, tuck, tap, fold, spindle and mount- first one hip, then the other- with his full weight borne upon his knee while pulling on your limbs in ungodly directions.........so I'm thinking, "I ain't all here." But he did his internship in Tennessee, so he couldn't have been all bad.

Breathe in, hold it.......let it out.......(one pull, then), pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop (all at once). Adjustment # 1 under my belt. Can't wait till my reflection stops looking straight in the carnival mirror.

I was just remembering how I used to be..............I mean just mere months ago. I used to think that planting a church had to drip with such relevant coolness that our level of coolitude would fragrantly exude from us- drawing in cool-tuned folk with the irresistable attraction of a honeybee leg to pollen. And then, when they would see just how dang cool we/I and the Church could be, just WHO could resist? I got tired just thinking about how we could try to keep up with the Coolios. I had to make sure I had the right ticket so I could board the next Cool Train when it came sweeping in that I spent most of my energy just looking for the porter.

Well, he never punched that ticket. So into the blogosphere, I establish this hallmark of truth: I ain't cool. My mom used to tell me. My wife tells me. And they're cooler than I can hope to be. I rekkin' they're right. Now, I didn't say that I won't give up trying to be (insofar as I can impress m'lady). I just don't think I have to impose that on His Church. He doesn't need a cool Church. Just a real one where He is front, center and Lord. Tis all. I can't find it where it says, "If Coolio be lifted up, then I will draw all people unto Myself."

What a relief. Really! So what do we have to do to bring people in? Get out of the way and get my grimy paws off of stuff that only fits the healing hands of a rugged Carpenter Messiah. Oh, I get a mini tool belt, but I'm only assisting the Master Builder. And He has even better tools than that wood-wizard extraordinaire, Norm Abram, on The New Yankee Worshop(tell me what tool does that sucker NOT have?).

11 a.m.
On the morrow
Chiro-doc-dood poking, prodding, ascertaining
Spine rejoicing
12 p.m.

I've seen Matrix 2: Reloaded twice to date. I will probably see it at least two more times to sleuth out some more information in order to make a more in-depth evaluation of it. My tack regarding my future review will decidedly venture into an approach that is not as optimistic concerning the much aforementioned Christ-parallelism (especially that which surrounded the first installment, The Matrix......for a taste, go here). I do want to take different angle and pose some questions about this genre-nouveau that I feel not many are asking with much clarity.

I did like the film, just for the sheer spectacle of the accomplishment. As a sci-fi buff, I found myself laughing at times with glee at the technological marvel of the effects. In this, the film delivers. We are taken to realms of sight so stunning as to sit transfixed, beholden to our techno-gods with rapt attention. Is this inherently and potentially a dangerous place to be or is it just plain fun- to be attuned to a much anticipated satiation in the form of violence.......no matter how metaphorically/allegorically imbibed it appears?

I phreeked out my back last Thursday. In my consummate manliness while pumping iron (specifically, squatting), a certain portion of my musculature in my lower back decided NOT to maintain its stabilizing efforts on a certain area of my lumbar vertebrae and disengaged, pulling my lower back out of alignment. I have gone through this once a few years ago and a doc of chiropractic literally straightened me out, making me a believer in the practice in the process. Now my pelvis has been jerked inward toward my front side while at the same time, I have a noticeable tilt to the right. Too much information? You oughta see me in the mirror. My wife laughs at the sight of me. My dog ponders with quizzical looks. I can't get into my Dodge Intrepid right now. I can only sleep on my recliner. When I enter a room, people grimace in mild sypathetic pain. Even now, as I contemplate a cessation from my normally physically active life in the recuperation, I admit I am somewhat down in the dumps.

But hey, nothing like looking forward to having pix taken of yer innards and having some stranger push and poke on your back and hearing the refreshing "POP" of the vertebrae surrendering back into alignment.

Just saw Matrix 2: Reloaded last night. I'm still sifting through the massive images and layered storylines and cryptic innuendos unleashed on me as a result of this motion picture. As the messiah-figure in this story takes on greater depth and detail, so too, does the double, triple and even quadruple-mindedness of the storyline as it waxes inexorably more ethereal. We are bamboozled by not-yet-seen state-of-the-art (but soon to be outdated) sci-fi effects. What more does this modern-day parable of our own plight and destiny have to say about the shadow side of who is really in control of what (which is arguably what this picture and it's predecessor wrestle with as a key question to understanding the whole genre....especially in light of the sequel!) More later perhaps, if I can get the red pill unlodged from the back of my throat.

Solitude is the furnace of transformation.

-Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

Many are quite familiar with Nouwen's observation on solitude. Seems good to be able to relegate it to the realm of nifty comments as opposed to the halls of personal experience. But that doesn't produce inner regeneration and life change.

You see, I belong to a Fight Club of sorts. We had been talking about the spiritual disciplines a week ago, mainly lamenting how undisciplined we tend to be (or maybe it was just me). We acceded to the fact that such disciplined spiritual pursuits contribute to the spritual giantism in our forefathers/mothers who have paved the way. But for me, I effectively wane toward spiritual mongoloidism. I get stuck inside, stymied by my half-hearted attempts to shed the mantle of self on my own terms. Besides, the glossy-smooth, "everything's okay" church planter, got-it-all-together, hand-shaking, ear-ticklin'-butt-likkin' veneer is quite a suit to don and doesn't peel off easily.

Well, we say, "why don't we skip meeting next week and spend that time in solitude?" Ain't no thang. We agree to it and depart. Turns out, the day (yesterday) we chose to mount our spyerchul dissaplen horsey on our solitude saddle was ALSO the day of fasting and prayer for the Palmers, which I found out this past weekend. Somehow I had conveniently displaced from my consciousness the plans for solitude in recognition of the call to fast, which I was all too eager to do. But come Wednesday, I was not to be left off the hook. Two disciplines in one day to see what I'm really made of.

Through the fast and the solitude, I did not stand to gain anything. I was not supposed to. I got to see glimpses of myself as my mind would be bombarded by my mini-idols and vagabond thoughts demanding allegiance to their crowns. It was about Mark, Jennifer and Micah and the Christ. In His amazing stillness immovable, I saw my quirkiness and vacillation and was bewildered at such fluid instability. I don't deserve to stand in the stead of a brother and sister in need nor do I deserve to bask in the solitude of the presence of the Almighty. But He gives more grace I'm told somewhere. Why do I spill that cup like a tin-can of marbles on a slanted floor?

So we try to make sense of this house church-home church-simple church thing..........whatever it is we want to call it. The vast amount of wisdom to be gleaned from those far more experienced and sharpened than I exudes like honey from our veritable slew of blogs on the subject. And believe me, I lap it up. Practicalities, how-to's, personal philosophies on the form and function of community building within the house church/monastic centers (whichever applies to you) permeate our posts as we scope out the horizon ahead of us and fine-tune our vision as church planters extraordinaire. But there's something of which I don't see a whole lot.

There's something that Jesus told Peter (Matt. 16:18,19) that applies to us by proxy, if for nothing but the sheer nature of the fact that we as church planters join Peter in his confession/recognition that Jesus the Christ stands front and center in this effort.......that He is the Master Architect and foundation. Jesus even volunteers information about that other kindgom diametrically opposed to the Kingdom of Light emerging.

When Jesus tells Peter that the "gates of Hades will not overcome" his church built on the Rock, there is a locational presupposition here that is often overlooked. This presupposition is based on the existential reality of church planting.....namely that two opposing kingdoms are in spiritual conflict and the church plant CAN (but is not a guarantee to) become a repository for the "walking wounded" to find healing.

To say that the gates of Hades will not overcome His church presupposes just where He chooses to plant it. The implication is that Jesus seems content to establish His church right where the yawning, gaping throat of hell lies- not in the rural, pastoral fringes away from the strife and contention. In fact, the gates of these two kingdoms clang in proximity to one another because Jesus calls us to go to where the ravages of chaos, deception and demonic rage abound. In a time long past, these forces glided along, seemingly unchecked in their apparent upper hand. And even in light of the Christ event, we still reckon these forces of deceptive darkness as something to be reckoned with, as an enemy on equal footing in power. But why aren't we talking about storming the enemy's camp, proclaiming the victory, sidling up to the blind captives and dangling the keys of victory in the bewildered faces of a declawed, defanged enemy? Because I think we still assume it's a battle.

Doesn't Hebrews 2:14 say the devil is defeated/destroyed.......rendered powerless? How much power does a powerless enemy have? Are we not more than conquerers in Him (Romans 8:37)? Why do we still battle a defeated opponent? It is true many believers are still in an experiential battle with these dark forces but that doesn't make it theologically sound. Why do we often agree that Satan is defeated but buy into being instructed on how to battle a defeated foe? Is Christ's victory on the cross more notable than complete? If the enemy is vanquished from his prior position of power, why do we progress trying to conquer enemy territory, especially as if he were able to somehow take it back? Why does the church seem to "functionally" believe that until the Lord returns in "final victory" we will still be engaged in an ongoing battle against the enemy?

These beliefs SEEM reasonable and profoundly impact how we view church planting (that is, if we recognize the imperative to "proclaim release to the captives, sight to the blind," etc., ALL of which point to not only the prophetic element of Jesus' work and identity, but ours as well). There is no New Testament mandate to seek out and fight the devil. There is, however, a great deal sad about rescuing the "blind, poor and emotionally and spiritually downtrodden" (Luke 4:18-19).

Church planting has brought me to realize experientially what true victory in Christ is as we allow Him to be Who He is, to do what He says He can do as He displaces the father of lies person by person, memory by memory and time after time. There was once a time when I thought that we could/should be the "coolest" church thingy around. I was gearing up to try to be able to do that. Thank God I know better now because there's nothing about our "hip-ness" that Jesus says will actually bring freedom and healing to those he seems pleased to bring in our midst.

We are a haven, a "cabin in the woods" (thanks Chris Marshall) for these walking wounded. This "restoration discipleship" is the best kind, because when a young adult who was sexually abused as a child hears from Jesus that she's not dirty- she is better able to choose her relationships based on how Jesus sees her and ditches a dead-end relational cycle. Because when the Man of Sorrows shows that He took upon Himself my nakedness, shame and sense of abandonment, I find I don't have to be doomed to a life of relational isolationism in perpetuity. I am not really alone. I heard those words and a I knew those words, but I needed the Word of Life to speak in the midst of my darkness. There's nothing like being "freed-up" that allows discipleship to blossom.

Therefore, I expect the calls at 3:30 am like I got last week from a demonized guy who's seeking freedom. I expect to see scores more of those "diagnosed" with various and sundry ailments of spirit and mind come into our fray. As I think on it, there's not any less than 80% of us Veritasians who do not have some sort of "issue" that we bring to the table. And it's not that we are any different from any other church, newly-planted or long-established.....God's making us pay attention to these wounded masses in our generation and he wants to do something about it. Furthermore, we've all been given the equipment to handle it. No demon-hunts, territorial reclamations for Jesus.......just doing the Kingdom work and deal with what we have to deal with in His name. The Kingdom and His righteousness suffices to cause the enemy to be displaced.

I see His church a lot differently now in light of seeing what Jesus has done and stands ready to do. I hope it's not all about doing things in a new way.

My man, Jason,(a.k.a., Jaylord, Lord of All Jays, Jasunke), has formally jumped onto this church plantin' ship with us at Veritas. We will be working together this summer in an intensive church planting pastoral internship, which is going to be really cool.

Jaylawd will be setting up shop here in the Johnson household on May 18th. God is up to some neat stuff in this guy's life and we are grateful to be a part of that.

Did I say this was going to be really cool?

O Great Provider, nothing escapes your attention when the needs of your children come to the fore. Quell the intrepid thoughts pertaining to monetary resources and from whence they will come- only fill us with the knowledge of Your Presence as we journey and bask in the warmth of Your shadow and feast at the coming table of your bounty. Absolve us from the sin of flitting to and fro, oblivious to the simple intricacies of the inner workings of Your Spirit in each day. May You alone be our mainstay and may we rejoice as you supply our every need. Amen.

A prayer that the will of God may be fulfilled-

O merciful Jesus, grant to me Thy grace, that it may be with me, and labor with me, and persevere with me even to the end. Grant me always to desire and to will that which is to Thee most acceptable. Let Thy will be mine and let my will ever follow Thine and agree perfectly with it. Let my will be one with Thine and let me not be able to will or not to will anything else, but what Thou willest or willest not. Grant that I may die to all things that are in the world and for Thy sake love to be condemned and not known in this generation. Grant to me above all things that can be desired, to rest in Thee, and in Thee to have my heart at peace. Thou art the true peace of the heart; Thou its only rest; out of Thee all things are hard and restless. In this peace, in this selfsame thing, that is, in Thee, the chiefest eternal good, I will sleep and rest (Psalm 4:8). Amen

-Thomas a Kempis

I have come to the conclusion that Church is not just awe-inspiring........it is ODD-INSPIRING. Jesus draws to Him a veritably quirky and odd lot. The assortment in the church on Hester is quite a hand. Yay God! Sameness sux.

Just received another casualty report from the war at home.......or rather, the War On The Home. My mother called to inform me that my eighteen year-old brother has just gotten married at the courthouse yesterday to a girl he's dated only two months. Against all surrounding wisdom and godly influence on every corner of his life, this act was preceded by a decline toward experimentation with alcohol and smoking, surging mood swings and a generalized vacuous and unresponsive look in his eyes when those around him tried to reason with him. Inserted along the way into the drama was his retort to my mom that he did not believe in God anymore.

He also chose to ice the fiasco with dropping out of school just two months before graduation. His 17 year old wife has also been released from her home due to her rebellion as well. So last night they spent their first night as husband and wife God knows where, with no car, no job, no education and nowhere to stay. Just the intoxication of one another to sustain them.

His school is in no better shape as well. The sexual exploits of it's members are well known, possibly due to it's smallness. Kids caught in cars going at it. Lurid letters found in lockers connecting girls to 21 year-old men. Drugs. Rampant disrespect toward faculty with resulting resignations.

Did I mention this was a Christian school?

Seems that my brother's new wife/child's best friend is the ring leader. Around her- apparently- orbits the crowd of disrepute who have aided and abetted my bro. Her expellment from school just days ago seems to also have precipitated the chain of events that led to the hasty matrimony. I am sure that as far removed as I am from the situation, there is much more underneath the surface- more that I don't see.

But I do see division, strife, discord, disharmony, disunity and destruction. I do see families being ripped apart. I do see the fingerprints of the mastermind of rage, chaos and wanton rebellion. I see him hiding somewhere, in the shadowy hollows he's carved out under the power of invitation, drunk on the fuel of human pride. I see his barbed tendrils noosed around my brother's neck squeezing out not just sensibility, but life-blood from his veins. I see the accuser of the brethren laying siege on family histories and resurrecting the still rotting corpses of mistakes gone by. Blade-like fingernails prick open the puss-filled wounds of those yesterdays like a blade through butter. I see the history of the hurts/disillusionments of my family of origin laid bare before me again.

(And I know God, you are sovereign over even my hidden woundedness you still pine to heal. God, how you've touched, but how I haven't even noticed that your healing hand is still outstretched toward my emotional nakedness).

I see you, Old Scratch, you serpent of old, our enemy and opposer and diabolos at play. Your enemy, Jehovah, sees you too. His eyes sear with vengeful fire. Battle's over. I won't fight a loser. I relegate you to the Christus Victor. 'Nuff said.

"FEELING be damned"

-Faith

There seems to be something deftly sinister underlying the machinations of war (whether present or past)......something intangible, amorphous and hiding in the shadows.......something with a feeler web in the past and a finger on the pulse of the present......something neither pro-American nor pro-Iraqi........something that doesn't appropriate our un-critical, un-discerning and un-holy matrimony of God+Body Politic, but feeds off it......something that can be seen riding an apocalyptic horsey with the fringe-waves of Chaos and Hades cresting behind it.

Biblical history is replete with examples of God taking nation-states and sovereignly using them to exact his will, often with war as the vehicle. Should such nations on the winning side associate divine favor as well? Is 227 years of domination sufficient prerequisite to establish such a position? Is it a guaranteed status? Is God bound to those nations he incites to war as part of his divine activity in the world even as they tumble progressively down a slope of immorality? And what do we mean by nations/countries, etc.? Perhaps we should not confuse the general populace with the political entities that often don't ultimately serve the people they are supposed to represent, especially when they claim to be something they are not. With the growing social/spiritual/economic polarization and disparity, can we expect our best interests are going to be kept on the forefront by the establishment when the carrott of their own greater prosperity is dangled before them? I ask these questions of myself and my own motivations.

If we only knew what we didn't know. In the meantime, I am working on an ameliorating position somewhere between an unhealthy theo-nationalism and a "heavenly-mindedness" that waxes toward practical absent-mindedness. Methinks we may not be able to fathom what we would find if we dug deep enough.

Why is it that the only viable work God has for us to do is somewhere else? When we think about being on mission with God, why do we inevitably think of somewhere other than our "hereness?" Why are we drawn to fields of mission that invariably come across as more exotic than our present station? Is mission work always "out there", somewhere away from "here?"

How come campus ministries don't take the energetic funding and resourcing that often go into spring break-type mission trips and strategically and practically invest them into their own communities of which they live and breathe and have their being? If they do, how come we don't hear about that? Is it that there are no mission needs surrounding us that require the same amount of investment? Does Mexico only have the hungry? Does south central Appalachia only have the impoverished? Does New York City only have the spiritually hurting and wounded?

Why is it we are always on the move, ready to get out of the "joint" at the first sign of opportunity? Is there nothing here? Why are we not called to remain in one place for very long? Why is it that God "calls" us back to our cities/homes of origin? What about our inflated piety and false pride that has us sold on the illusion that we can fix our families of origin? Has functional familiarity replaced the fellowship of suffering in Christ? Shall we bow to the gods of convenience while leaving a trail of dust in the God-forsaken wastelands of the mission fields of which we are presently a part? What about the outrageous fallacy that we have lived a life of faith when we have never ventured far into the realms of the deep unknown that truly require faith?

Who will be the faithful remnant for our God-forsaken little place?

Gadzooks! My squeeze and compadre Jaylord be bloggin'. He's the phreek in the church in my house in whom God is doing some neat stuff.